Sparkle Baby

Why don’t those weekly pill boxes come bedazzled??! Quick! Someone take that idea and run with it, I guarantee you’ll make a fortune. Seriously who doesn’t like some sparkle? 

Until that day comes I’ll be using my plain pill box … well …mine is pink so that’s not completely plain… and i do love pink. Honestly though, pre counting my pills has changed my life *dramatic pause* alright it hasn’t really BUT it’s so convenient, I highly recommend doing it.

Moving on … 

This summer hasn’t exactly gone according to plan. I thought I was going to be a blogging diva and write a bunch of witty uplifting posts… yah. That hasn’t happened. I honestly just haven’t felt inspired… these past few months and when I say few … I mean like 6 months …lifes mojo has been challenging. 

Getting the weight off that I gained from taking seroquel has been a struggle… I’ve felt like I have been beating my head against a wall. I’ve gone 4 weeks sugar free, gluten free and starch free (don’t ask me how I’ve survived I still don’t know)… I haven’t gained weight but I haven’t noticed a difference. Mind you in those 4 weeks I took a break from the gym…YES I was going before my 4 week break, it’s just I’ve just been so disheartened by putting in all those hours sweating and i have literally nothing to show for it. 

Tomorrow I will be going to the the gym. That is my word and I’ll make good on it in my next post. 

I have a trip planned for either winter break or at the end of the school year in April and I want nothing more than to feel confident in a swim suit and confident when I have my photo taken. This is going to be the trip of my dreams, I’m going to my father’s home country of Nicaragua. I’ve always wanted go and it’s finally happening. I need to:

1. Look sexy to attract all the handsome latin men.

2.Practice my spanish so I can speak to all the handsome latin men 

3.Practice my dancing so that I can dance with the handsome latin men.

You can see I’m excited to see the country … jokes aside I’m excited to see where my dad grew up and the handsome latin men are a bonus. 

Back to the topic of weight… this summer my cousin got married and I was asked to be a bridesmaid… honestly I almost told her no because I felt so self conscious about being in photos. But I pushed past my discomfort to share a special day with her. 

I’ve been so unhappy with my weight and it’s shown in my confidence which isnt sexy. I honestly don’t feel like me when I look at me. It’s been a challenge, but I accept the challenge because I’m going to defeat it. I may cry a lot in the process but I will be triumphant.

Hopefully with the gym involved again and eating without sugar, gluten and starch I’ll see the weight melt off. If not … I honestly don’t know what I’ll do BUT I’ll worry about that later if it comes to that.

I know that I’ve come too far with my health to give up now. I want to be both mentally healthy and physically healthy. And I will have both. I’m turning 25 this year and this will be my year with no strings attached. 

I’m hoping to keep my posts more consistent I’ll most likely try to track my weightloss journey as it happens and who knows maybe we can do it together. 

– Steph 

London Bridge

Isn’t this the truth … And it’s just so funny which is a bonus .

Just when you think your getting it together. London bridge come falling down.

I survived the school year – adjusting medications and all. I’m happy to report I was in the A- A+ percentile … Who knew hard work could pay off so well. It was a challenge but I did it. The only limitations we have are the ones we set ourselves. Tell yourself enough times you can do it and surprisingly you’ll be able to do it.

Now that schools finished I will be working again.

All of the above is fine and dandy.

What’s not fine is the Latuda that I’m I’ve been transitioning on to is no longer covered by my insurance (I have a new insurance) anyways I went in to pick up my medication and the Latuda would have been almost $400.00 – not cool – so I left it and picked up my Lamotragine and Seroquel. Which the Seroquel is on a minimum dose since I’m coming off of it and supposedly have the Latuda.

So much fun! Can’t you tell hah oh goodness.

I have my appointment with my new doctor next week, did I mention to you that my glorious Dr. M is taking on a new position within the hospital SO he will no longer be my psychiatrist. Change oh sweet change how I nervously embrace thee.

Oh well in all honesty I was rebelling against my medication anyway and wanted to talk about taking a new one. The Seroquel is at such a low dose because I told my doctor I wasn’t going to take it anymore … I know I know the audacity BUT I PUT 2 + 2 together !

I took a break from the gym I didn’t eat the most consistent healthy meals I admitted that BUT to gain 15 pounds in a few weeks is unreal an that’s what happened … That my dear friends is medication. And I know it sounds horrible but I’m tired of the weight gain 85% of the time I go to the gym 6 days a week I eat good foods I have a problem with restricting but even that’s gotten better. Aside to from those weeks in hiatus I am a gym goer. And this entire year regardless to the slaving at the gym I’ve been gaining weight. It’s killing me. It’s one thing to have sanity but it’s another thing to lose myself to obesity. I don’t look my weight but I’m nearly at 200 lbs THATS NOT HAPPENING (this is with me going to the gym. This past year and a half I’ve gained nearly 40 lbs all together) I’ve told my doctor i’d rather be crazy then obese. Dramatic. I know BUT there is truth behind those words.

As a result he cut my Seroquel dramatically and I’m done with it in a week. As for the Latuda – I can’t afford it anymore. This poor new doctor has quite the mess to clean up (of course I’ll help)

Anyways this was kind of an update. There’s more but I’ll spare you. But if my love life were a movie the defining moment is hand … Maybe I’ll write about it another day.

Steph