How About A Slap In The Face

This past week was probably one of the most upsetting weeks I’ve had in a long time.

I apologize for my absence. Last week my fiance was in town and the week prior I was camping with no cell service to upload a post. Life has been a bit busy, I would say it’s been going really well BUT this week has jeopardized that mentality.

As you know I have a job at a law firm. I was beyond excited to have this job, I love the lawyers I work with. Everything has been peachy. However, everything clearly can’t be perfect and I’ve been on the fence about my salary and whether or not I should apply elsewhere. I have friends who work in the same industry as me who are making a fair amount more – with the exact same amount of experience. I however figured that because I enjoyed who I worked with I would stay with the firm and wait for my 1 year review when I would undoubtedly get a raise.

Tuesday of this week was my review. It was with the 2 partners of the firm, who for the record I never talk to or see.

Prior to talking with them my one lawyer (whom i’m particularly close with) called me into her office. She wanted to give me a heads up with what she told the partners for my review. It was all positive with the constructive criticism that I could have a bit more attention to detail. Fair enough.

I go into the interview and BAM I got slaughtered by the partners. The only feedback they gave me about my lawyers was that they both said I had a pleasant demenour. What?!?!

There was nothing in my review about my actual work or work ethic or how happy my lawyers are with me.

They brought up things that were not true and not my fault, errors made by my one of my lawyers, for which he had already expressed to them that the errors were his fault. The told me I was dependent on the other assistant to do my work. NOT TRUE. It was all just super upsetting. And I was denied a raise. So basically I am being paid a year later as if I have no experience. *slap in the face*

I confronted both my lawyers. Asked them if they were unhappy with me and explained what the partners told me and my lawyers were shocked. Why?? Because they both explained to me that they gave me great reviews because they love me as their assistant, they went on to say what the partners said about me made no sense.

I have been sick over this. My mind has been replaying everything over and over. Everyone got a raise (for a fact) but me. It’s sickening.

It’s so funny how things can change so instantaneously. I have no intention of staying with this firm. Not a chance. I’m getting married and I’ll be leaving in that regard BUT if an opportunity comes to leave sooner I’ll take it.

I’m obviously not going to elaborate in detail what was said, but it was all super shady and has made no sense when explained to my lawyers, family and close friends.

I thought maybe it was me? But this is beyond me. I’m just the sucker in the ploy.

I have had some good visits with friends this week. It’s helped lighten my mood, but at the same time as soon as the visit is over I feel sick again.

This was completely unexpected.

And then to top it off a woman hit my car while it was parked and I was sitting in it. The damage wasn’t bad but she was unbelievable about the whole situation.

People! What is wrong with some people?!

I hope and pray everyone is having a better week than me. Thank goodness it’s Friday!

I just need to shake this off and hopefully I’ll have a more uplifting post next week. This post was to illustrate I am alive and express that I am a bull seeing red and I can’t get a grip of my mind and emotions.

It will all work out. It always does.

– Steph

Rubbish

image

So the seroquel is here to stay they’ve just lowered the dose… I can’t sleep without it. So my current meds are as follows:

Latuda 100mg
Lamotragine 250mg
Seroquel 50 mg  (this may change I’m still not sleeping that well)

My weight is still an issue but my new doctor Dr. B (as much as I loved my old Dr.L) is taking my concern very seriously and is referring me to a weight clinic where they are going to do a metabolic test and check my thyroid and all that jazz… since starting my medication well over a year ago I’ve gained 25lbs  while being a gym goer except for a few weeks here and there when I was in ultra lows.

I’m optimistic … or at least I’m trying to be optimisitic. All this weight … seems like it’s going to be impossible to lose BUT I WILL LOSE IT  medication or not I won’t be this weight forever.

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve just felt so stunted with my blogging. All my thoughts haven’t been able to be translated in writing…. their just swirling chaotically around in my head. Whenever I try to write them they just turn into rubbish. Talk about feeling uncreative and uninspired. I feel like all my creative juices have been sucked out of me.

BUT there have been some turning points in my life the past few months, I’m hoping that this will shed some light on my writing. Overall, I just figured it was better not to post than post rubbish.

– Steph

London Bridge

Isn’t this the truth … And it’s just so funny which is a bonus .

Just when you think your getting it together. London bridge come falling down.

I survived the school year – adjusting medications and all. I’m happy to report I was in the A- A+ percentile … Who knew hard work could pay off so well. It was a challenge but I did it. The only limitations we have are the ones we set ourselves. Tell yourself enough times you can do it and surprisingly you’ll be able to do it.

Now that schools finished I will be working again.

All of the above is fine and dandy.

What’s not fine is the Latuda that I’m I’ve been transitioning on to is no longer covered by my insurance (I have a new insurance) anyways I went in to pick up my medication and the Latuda would have been almost $400.00 – not cool – so I left it and picked up my Lamotragine and Seroquel. Which the Seroquel is on a minimum dose since I’m coming off of it and supposedly have the Latuda.

So much fun! Can’t you tell hah oh goodness.

I have my appointment with my new doctor next week, did I mention to you that my glorious Dr. M is taking on a new position within the hospital SO he will no longer be my psychiatrist. Change oh sweet change how I nervously embrace thee.

Oh well in all honesty I was rebelling against my medication anyway and wanted to talk about taking a new one. The Seroquel is at such a low dose because I told my doctor I wasn’t going to take it anymore … I know I know the audacity BUT I PUT 2 + 2 together !

I took a break from the gym I didn’t eat the most consistent healthy meals I admitted that BUT to gain 15 pounds in a few weeks is unreal an that’s what happened … That my dear friends is medication. And I know it sounds horrible but I’m tired of the weight gain 85% of the time I go to the gym 6 days a week I eat good foods I have a problem with restricting but even that’s gotten better. Aside to from those weeks in hiatus I am a gym goer. And this entire year regardless to the slaving at the gym I’ve been gaining weight. It’s killing me. It’s one thing to have sanity but it’s another thing to lose myself to obesity. I don’t look my weight but I’m nearly at 200 lbs THATS NOT HAPPENING (this is with me going to the gym. This past year and a half I’ve gained nearly 40 lbs all together) I’ve told my doctor i’d rather be crazy then obese. Dramatic. I know BUT there is truth behind those words.

As a result he cut my Seroquel dramatically and I’m done with it in a week. As for the Latuda – I can’t afford it anymore. This poor new doctor has quite the mess to clean up (of course I’ll help)

Anyways this was kind of an update. There’s more but I’ll spare you. But if my love life were a movie the defining moment is hand … Maybe I’ll write about it another day.

Steph

Just When I Was Getting Started

  
Sadly tragedy strikes again.

My phone. My beautiful Samsung phone with it’s glorious big screen – is gone. It’s been laid to rest like all of its predecessors. 

Seriously though, I was just getting back into my mojo for blogging and BAM my phone shatters right before my eyes – becoming an unusable mosaic. 

As I’m sure you are all bursting with curiousity as to how this happened…allow me to tell you.

I was joyously getting into my car with my phone securely tucked into my pocket when all of a sudden it jumped out of my pocket, it literally jumped…. okay…. It slipped out of my unsecure pocket JUST as my car door was closing.

What were the odds of the door closing directly on my phone???

Slim, very slim BUT the odds were ever not in my favour so BAM the door closed and broke my phone along with my heart.

All of the quotes I had on my phone – gone. AND may I say I had a lot – so needless to say I have to rebuild my empire from scratch. Again.

But-

More importantly on my quest to rebuild my empire of quotes I required a new phone and my brother-in-law graciously gave me one. An iPhone 4 ………….. ummm yes……. let’s just say I’m grateful I have a phone…..In all sincerity I haven’t blogged because I’ve been too busy licking my wounds of losing my Samsung, this particular phone has the tiniest screen of life! I feel like I need baby fingers just to navigate on it.

But beggars can’t be choosers. And the funds in my bank account currently express that I can’t be a chooser. So the iPhone stays.

One day. One glorious day I will be reunited with my Samsung and until that day I will be using this iPhone and blogging via it’s tiny screen. 

This blog aside, I’ll be giving a general update this weekend in another post. Yay for technology … and yes I realize I could use my computer to blog it’s just I usually blog when I’m on the go. We shall see, I may have to make a temporary exception.

Steph