I’m writing this post as I listen to the heavenly sound of a waterfall. I am in an oasis, a heaven on earth.
Nicaragua is many things. More than I could have ever imagined. And I’ve imagined it a lot since I was a little girl.
It both brings joy and sorrow to my heart. It is a beautiful country- but it is painted in poverty. I am not niave to think everyone lives as comfortably as I do, but to think of all the loss these people have endured and continue to endure breaks my heart. Yet, their resiliency is comforting. They are strong.
Let’s see –
Since landing in Nicaragua I’ve learned my palate is more selective than I thought; my parents told me I am on a “nica diet”. It’s not that I don’t like the food … It’s just that some flavours require an acquired taste. And I’ve yet to have aquired that taste.
Coming to Nicaragua and not being able to speak the language has hurt more than I realized it would. It’s one thing to not be able speak spanish in Canada but to be surrounded by people of my heritage and to not understand them – it all seems too much. In my own way I’ve deemed it a tragedy. I cried to be honest. My parents had no idea why I was crying in the middle of the day but I couldn’t help the anguish my heart felt for missing that part of my culture.
That being said my resolve to learn the language has never been stronger. Dedication is the key.
I am very grateful to be on this trip, I’ve learned and experienced so much. I’ve a new found appreciation for the opportunities I was born into because of the family I have and the country I live.
It truly is beautiful and I truly feel blessed.
On Tuesday I said goodbye to one of my hearts most cherished treasures. I said goodbye to our family dog, Canela. She lived a life filled with love, both in giving and receiving.
She would have turned 17 in December and I have no doubt that she would have lived past that, but it was her time. She was no longer having good days, and her body just wasn’t coping with her aged body. My family and I are certain without doubt that she held on to life as long as she did because of our love for her.
I remember the day we brought her home, I was in grade 4 and I had convinced my mom I was sick. I was so excited to be getting a puppy and she was adorable – absolutely adorable. Over the course of Canela’s life I trained her to do numerous tricks such as, play dead, army crawl, roll over, shake a paw, dance and a few others. She was one smart cookie.
Canela was a family dog, but it was clear who her mom was – my mom. If my mom got up Canela was up, if my mom moved Canela moved. It was like this to the end. This isn’t to say the rest of us were chopped liver, but Canela adored my mom. It saddens me to know how sad my mom is over the loss of her. It has hit my entire family hard but for my mom it especially breaks my heart.
My youngest sister was in grade 1 when we got Canela and now she is married with a 1 year old and plans for another. Canela has been thru so much, she will be missed. It’s crazy to think of how much time she’s experienced with our family.
“Pets” are more than just pets, they are extensions of your beating heart. Filling your life with so much more meaning than you would otherwise have. Canela was practically 17 and my little Nutmeg will be 7 in November. Time is precious and so are their lives.
I have no doubt my life has been enriched because of Canela’s place in it, she will be missed more than words can express.
My hope is that you all can experience such fulfilling love in your lifetime.
It’s that time of year again. Time for me to turn 1 year older.
I turned 26 on October 11th. 26! It’s hard to believe, I am closer to 30 than I am 20.
In all seriousness, I’m fine with getting older I just don’t want to get old alone. That’s when age freaks me out, that’s when I lose my cool-calm-and-collected composure.
I had a bit of a premature party the other day prior to my birthday – it was a pity party to be exact. I was already extra emotional from being in a low, but the fact that I’m as single as it gets turning 26 really stung. Needless to say, I have some amazing people in my life and as I talked throughout the day with them I gradually started to feel better. By the end of the night I was ready to face 26, better yet I was ready to own it.
I realized that I am so much more than a number and relationship status (shocking I know), I have done so much and I am going to do so much. I should celebrate my 26th year because I’ve worked so hard to have it.
The opportunities ahead of me are limitless, my adventure is continuing and I am grateful for that.
I celebrated my birthday with my family and my sisters all worked together to orchestrate a wonder woman theme. They said they look at me in my life and think that I am wonder woman, which really means a lot to me. It’s silly because she is just a fictional character, BUT she denotes a strength and confidence that I do hope to emulate. The fact my sisters all think of me in that light means I am doing something right.
In my last post I expressed that I was excited about life AND that still rings true at the ripe old age of 26. I am excited about life – about my life.
My life just keeps getting better and I know that my 26th year is no exception. There are no limits.
Last week I went to my oldest sister’s house. I had to go to get my dog, Nutmeg’s teeth cleaned and the place I take her is in the city my sister lives (about a 3.5 hr drive from where I live). I obviously could take her to a vet in my own town/city BUT it would cost me an arm and a leg. The clinic I take her to charges a fraction of the price. Ultimately it’s worth the drive and gives me an excuse to visit my sister and her family.
It was a pretty good week. I never tire of sitting down with my oldest sister and getting her counsel. She is such an example to me – she’s honestly amazing.
Over the course of the week (and presently) I had a lot on my mind. And that means my brain refuses to shut off. Night after night I’d be up and then in the day I’d be exhausted and overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions. As much as I loved being with my sister and her family, I’m pretty sure I made for poor company. But they loved me anyway and I did my best to not let my mood ruin my time with them.
I could write countless blog posts on the thoughts that have plagued me over the course of this last week and weeks prior BUT there is something in the back of my mind telling me to figuratively bite my tongue. Perhaps it’s too personal or perhaps if I write about it there is no going back, regardless to the outcome. My doubts, insecurities, and frustrations would be published and what if it all worked out… then I would have spoken ill for my audience to read and the reconciliation would be tainted.
There is a lot of emotion welling up inside of me. There is a part of me longing to write about it all because my brain is exploding and this blog is my outlet BUT for now I will refrain.
Perhaps I’ll find a constructive way to write about it without being so emotional. But alas I am an emotional person so the odds are not in my favor.
Sorry that it’s not an interesting blog post… but it’s enough to show I’m alive and illustrate the turmoil my mind is in. Something others have told me is so simple is crippling me. I’m sure if you have bipolar you can relate.
Simple isn’t always simple.
If ever there is a zombie apocalypse I want to make sure I am not on the city train during rush hour. When you are jam packed like a sardine I feel like the likelihood of survival is decreased. Just food for thought.
It’s Monday, the start of a fresh new week.
I made an error on Friday at work and didn’t have enough time to fix it, so I was panicked for Monday BUT my supervisor told me this morning not to worry about it. And I was able to fix it. Problem solved, I stressed and lost sleep over the entire weekend for nothing.
Isn’t that the case. We stress over something and then when the time comes to face it, it’s not that bad. You’d think I’d learn – dozens of doctor appointments going over my anxiety and yet some how it always manifests itself. Mind you, it’s a lot more subdued.
Don’t fret, breathe and know that whatever comes you aren’t going to die from it. Coming into work that’s what I kept telling myself.
Mistakes happen, I’m a student on practicum, I’m learning. And even if I was an employee, mistakes happen. There is no need to kill yourself over them. They will come and go and you will remain. Just take a deep breath, learn from them and all will be well.
No pain. No glory.
The things we do to look good, honestly now. My heel has been nicely butchered – the sacrifice I made to wear a cute pair of shoes.
Mind you, I had no idea these shoes would leave my heel nice and bloody. It was a gamble I made, and I lost. New shoes are always a gamble. Rarely have I ever worn a new pair of shoes that haven’t left my heels in agonizing pain. My left heel more so than my right (don’t ask me why) . And the other day that’s exactly what happened.
I had that sexy “I’m in pain” walk going on – and it was only 7:30 a.m. BOY did it turn into a long day quickly. Before I left my house I had this feeling I should pack a bandaid, but did I listen to that inner voice? Nope. Should I have? Yup. What was the result? Pain.
Always listen to that inner voice and always have bandaids packed in your purse, a lesson you’d think I’d learn.
Not that I condone violence… but c’mon who doesn’t find this awesome?!
A. It references my crazy
B. It talks about Unicorns
C. All of the above
I felt like posting something funny today because it’s Wednesday. Its the middle of the week and as such, something funny is always appropriate.
I don’t think anyone is ever too old for unicorns, or maybe I’m like Peter Pan… and I never grow up. Forever young.
I honeslty do like to think I’m young at heart, and in my opinion that’s a good thing. There are so many adult stressors & hardships that we have to face everyday AND sometimes all we need to do is stop, take a step back drink some chocolate milk, followed by a bowl (or two) of lucky charms and laugh about unicorns.
It’s all very therapeutic for the soul. Doctor approved… alright it’s not Doctor approved BUT it’s got scientific qualifications… alright maybe it doesn’t have that either…. BUT… it will make you happy… guaranteed.
It’s actually very funny… I’ve turned 24 BUT lately everyone I meet (whether its at school or social gatherings) thinks I’m 19-21!! They reassure me it’s not because I’m immature… it’s rather I look young (I don’t see it) and I have a exuberant zealous attitude about life, living it and having fun with it. Also, apparently I’m not caught up on being serious all the time. HECK! Ain’t nobody got time for that!
I have a theory that maybe I seem like I’m 19-21 because during that age I was lost in turmoil, and I never got to really live or love life… so now that my life is “mine” I’m picking up where I left off.
That’s just a theory… dun dun dun frozen in time!
Or … I’m just forever young which also fits another theory I have.
Regardless! I hope you smiled today. I hope you appreciated the element of unicorns that crossed your path with this post and I hope you can take a step back and appreciating the vibrance your soul has.