London Bridge

Isn’t this the truth … And it’s just so funny which is a bonus .

Just when you think your getting it together. London bridge come falling down.

I survived the school year – adjusting medications and all. I’m happy to report I was in the A- A+ percentile … Who knew hard work could pay off so well. It was a challenge but I did it. The only limitations we have are the ones we set ourselves. Tell yourself enough times you can do it and surprisingly you’ll be able to do it.

Now that schools finished I will be working again.

All of the above is fine and dandy.

What’s not fine is the Latuda that I’m I’ve been transitioning on to is no longer covered by my insurance (I have a new insurance) anyways I went in to pick up my medication and the Latuda would have been almost $400.00 – not cool – so I left it and picked up my Lamotragine and Seroquel. Which the Seroquel is on a minimum dose since I’m coming off of it and supposedly have the Latuda.

So much fun! Can’t you tell hah oh goodness.

I have my appointment with my new doctor next week, did I mention to you that my glorious Dr. M is taking on a new position within the hospital SO he will no longer be my psychiatrist. Change oh sweet change how I nervously embrace thee.

Oh well in all honesty I was rebelling against my medication anyway and wanted to talk about taking a new one. The Seroquel is at such a low dose because I told my doctor I wasn’t going to take it anymore … I know I know the audacity BUT I PUT 2 + 2 together !

I took a break from the gym I didn’t eat the most consistent healthy meals I admitted that BUT to gain 15 pounds in a few weeks is unreal an that’s what happened … That my dear friends is medication. And I know it sounds horrible but I’m tired of the weight gain 85% of the time I go to the gym 6 days a week I eat good foods I have a problem with restricting but even that’s gotten better. Aside to from those weeks in hiatus I am a gym goer. And this entire year regardless to the slaving at the gym I’ve been gaining weight. It’s killing me. It’s one thing to have sanity but it’s another thing to lose myself to obesity. I don’t look my weight but I’m nearly at 200 lbs THATS NOT HAPPENING (this is with me going to the gym. This past year and a half I’ve gained nearly 40 lbs all together) I’ve told my doctor i’d rather be crazy then obese. Dramatic. I know BUT there is truth behind those words.

As a result he cut my Seroquel dramatically and I’m done with it in a week. As for the Latuda – I can’t afford it anymore. This poor new doctor has quite the mess to clean up (of course I’ll help)

Anyways this was kind of an update. There’s more but I’ll spare you. But if my love life were a movie the defining moment is hand … Maybe I’ll write about it another day.



Just When I Was Getting Started

Sadly tragedy strikes again.

My phone. My beautiful Samsung phone with it’s glorious big screen – is gone. It’s been laid to rest like all of its predecessors. 

Seriously though, I was just getting back into my mojo for blogging and BAM my phone shatters right before my eyes – becoming an unusable mosaic. 

As I’m sure you are all bursting with curiousity as to how this happened…allow me to tell you.

I was joyously getting into my car with my phone securely tucked into my pocket when all of a sudden it jumped out of my pocket, it literally jumped…. okay…. It slipped out of my unsecure pocket JUST as my car door was closing.

What were the odds of the door closing directly on my phone???

Slim, very slim BUT the odds were ever not in my favour so BAM the door closed and broke my phone along with my heart.

All of the quotes I had on my phone – gone. AND may I say I had a lot – so needless to say I have to rebuild my empire from scratch. Again.


More importantly on my quest to rebuild my empire of quotes I required a new phone and my brother-in-law graciously gave me one. An iPhone 4 ………….. ummm yes……. let’s just say I’m grateful I have a phone…..In all sincerity I haven’t blogged because I’ve been too busy licking my wounds of losing my Samsung, this particular phone has the tiniest screen of life! I feel like I need baby fingers just to navigate on it.

But beggars can’t be choosers. And the funds in my bank account currently express that I can’t be a chooser. So the iPhone stays.

One day. One glorious day I will be reunited with my Samsung and until that day I will be using this iPhone and blogging via it’s tiny screen. 

This blog aside, I’ll be giving a general update this weekend in another post. Yay for technology … and yes I realize I could use my computer to blog it’s just I usually blog when I’m on the go. We shall see, I may have to make a temporary exception.


Drawing Strength From the Little Heartbeats


“Mommy? You know…Tia is the strongest girl.”

“Tia” is the Spanish word for Aunt.

This charming little quote belongs to my 4 yr old nephew. My sister sent it to me this morning; additionally she wanted to clarify that my nephew did not pose this as a question rather it was a statement.

This literally melted my heart. My nephews never cease to amaze me with their thoughtful little words. It’s incredible how much they pay attention.

(We attended a Sweet 16 for my cousin this past weekend, again my 4 year old nephew with great concern asked me “Tia why are you not in the princess dress?? You need to be in a princess dress!”… I told him that one day I would be in a white princess dress; that made him very happy)

I have no children of my own, would I love some? YES! But alas, I have no ring on my finger … let alone a man in my life.

Gratefully, I have 7 nephews ranging from 5 years – 3 months. It’s fair to say I get my baby fix. And honestly, as much as I want my own children I know for a fact I’m not ready. I’m not confident enough in my health, by all means I’m pleased with my progress… but having literally just experienced almost 6 weeks of me barely functioning… I don’t think it would be in the best interest for myself or a child if I’m a mom – just yet.

Having a little life growing inside of you is an incredible honor and responsibility.  I want to make sure it’s a happy experience for the both of us. I want to be in more control; it’s funny to think that I even asked myself if being in more control was even possible (this clearly was when I felt invincible… Umm YES!!! IT’S VERY POSSIBLE!

Maybe it’s a wives tale BUT I firmly believe that little darling babies in the womb can feel a mother’s emotions whether they be for better or worse. So I would like to have a firm grip on my emotions.

Frankly, the idea of having babies worries me … I’ve read so many negative articles about women with Bipolar having children or going thru a  pregnancy that was deemed a nightmare… I’d like to think the women who experienced amazing pregnancies were just too busy to post anything … haha yes… we will go with that thought…

Anyways, I’m worried BUT at the same time that worry motivates me. It motivates me to get into the best health possible for myself and my future family. I want to know that when the time comes I will have a healthy pregnancy AND will be prepared to be a healthy mother afterwards.

It won’t be perfect. But nothing in this life is BUT it will be planned and prepared and that brings me comfort. (Yes… I am that girl who reads baby articles, advice about raising children and multiple pinterest boards pertaining to my future babies and kids)

This post kind of went all over the place. But I figured I’d try to record some of my swirling thoughts… it’s been awhile.

One day I will make sure that I am a bipolar mother, or mother-to-be who writes positive and encouraging articles. Happiness is not for a select few, it’s for everyone.

– Steph


Itsy Bitsy Spider


This picture made me laugh pretty good. And what’s even crazier is a young man apparently did burn down his house (unintentionally) trying to kill a spider. No joke… even though the above meme is a joke… ohhh the irony.

Ahywho, I don’t know what it is this summer but I feel like everywhere I turn there are webs and monstrous spiders lurking …. okay most of them are as big as a dime BUT still they look lethal.

I am by NO MEANS a bug person, my least favorite critters happen to be spiders and death in it’s flying form… a.k.a moths… oh boy…they make my heart stop for a brief moment. Moths are actually worse than spiders in my books… the way they just fly into people’s faces …. ahhh just the thought give me the willies!

This year I feel like there is an abundance of these mini armies… and I fear for my life … okay maybe not that much but I could definitely live without them.

Here’s to hoping that  where ever you are, spiders and moths are not… I’d hate to hear of another house being burnt down.

– Steph