It’s Okay to Admit It

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Here’s a post for kicks and giggles and also a little bit of a “you should know better”.

So on Sunday I didn’t take my meds to spite … everything and everyone that had anything to do with helping me be happy &  healthy. Clearly I was ticked, since that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!….Anyways, on Sunday night I had a huge anxiety attack/breakdown…meltdown… tomato tamato and because I refused to take my meds I was awake all night. It’s fair to say after it was all said and done I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

However, Monday rolled around and I was in a significantly better mood. Everything that was “falling apart” surprisingly wasn’t! Fancy that eh?
So my Monday rolled along and eventually it was time for me to go to work. (I was looking forward to work, I love the seniors that I work with, they have bring me so much joy!)

So off to I work I went, prior to starting my shift however I had to talk to my boss regarding my school schedule changing (I’m no longer going to be able to work my shifts). This simple discussion had me incredibly anxious BUT because my boss is amazing she was incredibly understanding. My shift began and all seemed well…. now…my theory about what transpired… is a combination of Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and me already having had a huge anxiety attack.

One minute I’m talking and the next minute I’m on the verge of passing out. I kept fanning myself with my hand saying “wow, it’s really hot! I can’t seem to catch my breath… wow, yah,  no, I can’t breathe” thankfully one of the girls grabbed me before I fell … I was escorted to a chair where I had a lovely nurse run to me in a panic… by this point I literally couldn’t breathe so I was hyperventilating and as per usual when this happens I was apologizing in between trying to breathe (why I apologize, I have no idea… maybe it hs to do with me being an inconvenience haha)

My vitals were checked … I must say it was quite the spectacle. The real kicker is that I’ve been working at this seniors home for MONTHS and my last week or work BOOM this happens! It was all quite funny, I had to be wheeled away in a wheel chair so my parents could pick me up; my dad had to basically carry me to the car because every time I tried to stand I’d start hyperventilating and my body would start to shake… like I said I think it was over exhaustion, basically my body was shutting down; refusing to work.

So home again home again! I took my medication and then I slept. And Voila! I was back on my feet the next morning. And when I came into work I was greeted by my loving residents who made me smile just as they always do. (They all sweetly expressed how worried they were and how happy they were to see me smiling and laughing)

Don’t be stupid like me! Don’t  skip your meds JUST to prove a stupid point. Ultimately your hurting yourself more than anyone else…. let this be a lesson.

In this situation all I can do is laugh and shake my head. I could be super embarrassed about it BUT hey?! Where is that going to get me? It’ll get me no where fast. There’s a lot worse things that could have happened. And I don’t need any frown wrinkle lines!

– Steph

Stand Up Straight.

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Alrighty! So my post yesterday kind of hinted at the fact I was running around with my emotions like a chicken with it’s  head cut off. Not very fun or attractive, nor was it a necessary.

I’ve honestly always danced to my own tune. We’re talking wearing sweater vests when my peers were wearing brand names or wearing matching neon pants to a button up shirt that was covered in daisies. Or perhaps me buying loafers in the senior’s shoes section years before that trend hit mainstream  (seniors loafers are way more comfy just for the record) or perhaps as I read the dictionary on my way home from elementary school.

I didn’t worry about if people liked me because I liked myself. I was never much for “hanging out”, instead I liked flying solo working on different skill sets, striving to be well rounded (this was a goal since I was little… don’t ask me why)

I practiced and I studied so that I could become the best version of me, being confident in my pursuits and crafts. I like the notion of being dynamic. With that being said I never really dwelt or consumed myself with the worrisome thought “will they like me”

Perhaps moving around so much contributed to the desensitized approach of wanting to be liked so bad… who knows. NOW getting into the juicer segment of this topic. Why in the world was I in such a panic and disarray about this Mr.Mr liking me?!?

There was/is really no need for me to make myself sick over someone of interest. If I want to be in a relationship I WANT them to like me for me NOT someone I’m pretending to be. What in the world would be the point of that? Why should we feel insecure about ourselves and what we offer when it’s literally ourselves and what we offer. I wouldn’t want someone to like me if they wanted to change everything about me. That would be a whole lotta-lotta lame.

Additionally, we need to give ourselves some credit. We bring plenty to the table and if it’s not the right fit between the person of interest THEN we move on because there will be another person that does fit and wants us to be a part of their life in all of our glory!

I had to do a lot of talking with my family trying to sort thru and calm down my racing thoughts and emotions. But when it came down to it, I had a wake up call that it doesn’t matter at the end of the day if he seriously is not interested. What matters is that I’m okay with myself if he doesn’t. What matters is that I don’t let a single human being determine my value. My worth. Or dictate whether I’m happy with myself or not. (been there, done that!)

I am so happy with myself, I’ve been a work in progress especially since the last few years of my life have been incredibly rocky and volatile. Where I am now, compared to where I was & where I’m going in life. I am so proud of myself and happy with myself. And no one has the right to take that away. Nor do I have the right to give someone the power to take it away.

Sometimes we need a little reminder SO on that note; I implore you to recognize what you uniquely offer. You are a one of a kind, and it doesn’t matter if “they like you” it matters if you like yourself. Stand up straight, stay strong & stay confident.

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– Steph

All You Need To Do Is Breathe

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Today is a work free day.

And sometimes we need to take days like today. No To Do Lists, No micro managing time, No appointments, No engagements to attend, No people to host, No expectations for being productive, No spending money… etcetera etcetera

Literally a day where all we are obligated to do is breathe. Isn’t that a scary nice thought. These days may be few and far in between BUT I think it’s important that when they occur we embrace them.

I read an article once about people who are literally addicted to “being busy”. Addicted … and what are the symptoms that illustrate such an addiction? Sadness and inadequacy… individuals who thrive off being busy, feel like they are a let down if every minute of every day isn’t filled with a task. “Me Time” is a waste of time. A waste of productivity.

Honestly, I think there are times when I get caught up and take my schedule to an unhealthy place (as mentioned above)… where the feeling is … that if I’m not doing something I’m a let down and lazy. BUT the reality is – I’m not.

I’ve read a lot of books about self- improvement and success and there is always a common recommendedation between all authors… and it’s “Me Time” at least an hour a day dedicated to oneself. Aside from the authors suggesting it, my doctors have also reiterated to me. Self care and that means learning to breathe, learning that things don’t have to be going 100 miles/min to show we are capable of life. Learning that our value is not based on our timetable. That’s how we burn out. How we raise anxiety. And just miss out on life in general. Life can’t be micro-planned & managed ….because life happens.

Obviously everyday can’t be a vacation, but you should give yourself a day every now and then. Just to breathe. For instance my cleaning will be done tomorrow, it could get done today BUT heck to the heazy NO! Today is just a breathe in and breathe out go with the flow day… I’ll schedule it in tomorrow.

I’ve been laying in my hammock writing this post enjoying the warm weather and listening to the water fountain in the lake behind my house. It’s peaceful and beautiful and my only responsibility is to enjoy it without looking at my watch.

Happy Wednesday,
Take In & Let Out a deep breath for me 🙂

– Steph

Live a Life of Learning

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I absolutely adore this quote! Knowledge is POWER muahahaha… just kidding no evil laugh. But on a real note, attaining knowledge is a wonderful gift each of us is entitled to (that’s right, every single one of us) Learning new things or relearning and bettering ourselves based on things we already know …. doesn’t that just excite the living day lights out of you???!!

I’ve always had a passion for learning. Call me a nerd, but I can’t pass up researching something I don’t know when it’s brought to my attention … for instance a friend of mine injured his hand/wrist. Beyond saying “that’s too bad” I asked what exactly his injury consisted of… hairline fracture, ligaments and two of his 2 carpals… I didn’t know where the carpals where located – so I Googled it and I can now tell you where they are…. although I don’t recall their exact names…. (I think I’d like to refresh and restudy the human anatomy…I once knew the medical terms but without application I forgot them)

In all honestly I l used to read the dictionary when I was in elementary/Jr. High … true story. I have a love of words and the proper application of them (although I am by no means perfect – but I try) I have a dictionary app on my phone and when I’m waiting … I’ll randomly read definitions (I don’t play games on my phone like my sisters do unless they are word/factual games … or brain power apps like “elevate” I highly recommend it… anywho that’s just my nerdy preference)

Trying to apply your knowledge is what makes you wise. Merely knowing is not enough. Sharing … that’s a form of application. Literally “doing it” is a form of application. And how great is the feeling when you do both learn and apply. Even if you fail! Failing is the perfect opportunity to learn even more!… like one of my previous posts “I never lose, I either win or I learn.

We are never too old to learn, self doubt and procrastination are our only enemy. I was inspired to write this post because I finally bit the bullet and committed to some formal learning I’ve been wanting to pursue…. drum roll please….. I registered to take a certification course for interior design! I’ve always had a passion and I’ve done my own readings on this topic, but I’m taking it to the next level. Ecstatic is an understatement for how I feel right now.

Additionally, I purchased a HUMUNGO package for learning Spanish. I’ve been meaning to do so for awhile… but I  was seemingly bit by the procrastination bug... no worries I squashed it (just like you can do) And now I am getting ready to refresh and apply what I know and embrace the imformation that I don’t. I always told myself I’d be fluent spekaing by the age of 25…. I’ve got 1 year and around 4 months left SO I better get crackin’.

What we can learn in this lifetime is infinite if we put the effort in. Learning to write in beautiful artistic fonts is achievable for people with chicken scratch writing (like myself) with patience and practice. A new talent can be developed by learning and practice and a willingness to fail BUT try again.

Don’t miss out on the beauty of learning, one step that’s all it takes to begin on an incredible adventure. Fuel your brain, fuel your passions, and you’ll fuel your soul.

– Steph