Step By Step

Life is so unpredictable, but I’m taking it step by step.

I still feel like I’ve won the lottery because I’m confident with who I am and I have so much to be grateful for. But oh boy, I broke a mirror on moving day … and 7 years seems like a long time!

I was in a fender bender on the day I moved – whilst driving my mother’s vehicle to my apartment (packed with my some of my things) a young girl cut me off as I was letting another car in front of me while in rush hour (she almost hit the car merging into my lane) and alas the immediate break while in bumper to bumper traffic wasn’t enough. So I clipped her car.

What else-

The fellow I’ve been seeing the past 2 months went to my work Christmas party last Saturday with me. Something felt off and I was left uneasy. So what did I do? I talked to him on Sunday.

It wasn’t just Saturday that felt off, ever since I got back from my trip he’s been hot and cold. I don’t play games – and I don’t appreciate being treated like one.

This conversation should have happened sooner, but it took place Sunday. I bit the bullet and faced the elephant in the room – why? Because I was unhappy, and why should I suffer silently when I’ve been gifted a voice and mind of my own.

Ultimately we weren’t on the same page, so we are parting ways. He wasn’t a toad – just a frog.

I get to hold my head up high because I was mature enough to communicate my feelings. I expressed what I needed to express, I didn’t just go with the flow. Who knows how long it would have dragged out.

Don’t be silent and passive in your relationships. If you have the opportunity to be happy take it. Even if it means you have an uncomfortable conversation.

2 months with him is better than 6 months or a year when ultimately we aren’t heading in the same direction.

Back to square one! Oh how I hate dating but as before my focus will be on myself and improving myself – when I meet the right guy he won’t catch me twiddling my thumbs in a castle tower. I’ll be living my own adventure and he’ll have to catch up to me.

A new beginning.

Nothing is wrong with that.

I feel stronger than I did before, I know my worth and it wasn’t dependant on the young man I was seeing. I’m priceless and one day I’ll meet someone who sees that. Until then I know it – and that’s all that matters.

What else –

Living on my own has been great, I miss my family and my close proximity to them allĀ but Nutmeg and I are getting along pretty good.

I am still settling in, so I haven’t made a direct routine yet. I’ve been fitting in snowboarding … or perhaps snow falling is more accurate (I’ve been improving, but my body and ego are bruised) I have yet to go to the gym though. Next week. That’s when I’ll make my triumphant return. This week I’ll make my workout schedule. I’ll plan my meals. And I’ll be ready to go starting Monday.

I am planning to take classical guitar lessons starting January. And I’m planning on making a trip to the library to get my card (and books). So much to do!

I’m also thinking of taking Nutmeg to doggy daycare once a week (on Wednesdays) starting in January, just to get her out of the house in the winter since we can’t go for walks. I feel like she needs the socialization and something out of our ordinary to look forward to. I’m home Saturday and Sunday so it’s a nice way to break up the week for her.

Ultimately things are still going great. The frog wasn’t a setback, he was just a clean slate.

Never pass on a conversation because you think it will be uncomfortable. You will feel worse dwelling on the thoughts and emotions you feel than you will by just talking. Even if the outcome isn’t what you want – at least you get an answer.

Chin up.

Onward in our adventure of life!

– Steph

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Are Your Priorities Straight?

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I saw this quote and it hit a little too close to home as of lately. When I go for something or someone I go whole heartedly. I put in my best effort so that if it doesn’t work out I can say to myself “I gave it my all, I have no regrets” Yes, I may be disappointed BUT I always have at least a small peace of mind knowing it wasn’t because of my lack of effort things didn’t pan out.

When it comes to people there is a fine line between putting in extra effort; making an individual your priority whilst you still appear as their option. Sometimes I blaze in a fear that if I don’t make the extra effort, the individual I’m interested in won’t stick around to dedicate time to get to know me and I’ll miss their boat of opportunity. Does that sound familiar? Now, that my dear friends is STUPID talk!!!

If they can’t bother to make you feel like a priority once you’ve clearly indicated  they are to you, why should you even want to get on their boat?! Most likely you’d be the one who ends up paddling all on your own while they sit back and lounge. Enjoying how much effort your willing to put in just to be around them. Not cool. If they can pick up a paddle, don’t get on their boat!

I offer a lot whether in a friendship or a relationship. I know I’m worth effort just as much as I know someone I’m interested in deserves effort. BUT putting in all the effort AND then trying to convince yourself that your not…. now that’s getting a little twisted and needs to be straightened out. It’s one thing for a person to be shy, but it’s another to go out with that person multiple times and still find or question where you even stand on their priority list, if at all! If they can talk to you on the dates all hunky doory I’m sure they can find a minute or two to talk to you during the week.

As I mentioned in a previous post “I know what I bring to the table, so I’m not afraid to eat alone” I plead with you to take a minute and shake your head if your in this predicament. As charming and good looking or funny as the person may be in your presence (potentially because your the one who drove out to see them instead of them coming to pick you up) remember how they make you feel in their absence.

Do you feel like an afterthought while they are a constant thought? Guilty as charged, and it’s getting old really fast.
Its in my family’s nature to be straight foward when we want something. I definitely inherited this trait, so I will definitely take action to initiate contact BUT just like it’s not my duty it’s not your duty to upkeep that interaction all on your own… no matter how smitten you may be.

Ease up and let the person put in some work. And if they don’t just as you’ve feared… owwww it hurts the ego BUT it remember that more importantly it  saves the heart.

Don’t settle. Don’t allow yourself to feel less than. Be bold. Be honest and if they don’t make the cut, it’s their loss not yours.

This week I will be putting this post into action. I am scared senseless. But what I fear is wasting my precious time on someone who thinks of me as an option. I’ve been there done that AND I promised myself I’d never do it again, I’ve caught myself in the act and I’m gonna do something about it. If I caught you in the act as well…. think about what I said. You deserve as much as your willing to give. Remember that. Don’t row the bought for the both of you.

– Steph