Surprise Yourself

Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Reminding your self how capable you really are.

I applied for the posting on of Vice president for my schools club. And to my surprise I was voted in. So I am officially  the Vice President of the Legal Assistant Society. I’m excited to fulfill the role, to work with my peers hopefully make some friendships along the way. 

I wasn’t sure if I was even going to apply but I bit the bullet and told myself I could do it. I was qualified and the only thing standing in my way was me. 

Take a step out of your ordinary. Make a change to be the change in your life that you’re looking for.

I wanted more depth in my life; to be more engaged and I think this is a step in the right direction.

– Steph 

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Alone Again

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The past two weeks have been pretty difficult for me.

I’m getting up and going thru the motions. Getting my tasks done, just like I’m supposed to be doing. Talking to friends, joking and laughing just as I normally do. I’ve gone out to events, had some nice entertainment. Yet

During it all. I’ve felt alone.

My friends are great people. My family are amazing people…. this is honeslty probably one of my least favourite parts of my bipolar…. feeling utterly alone. There is no one who can get to me. No one who can calm my troubled mind. I’m untouchable –

I keep seeking reassurance, seeking affirmations that remind me of my love for life or of my progress that I’ve  made… yet even when words are spoken, the words seem to fall on deaf ears. There is a mental block and it’s here to stay for as long as it chooses.

Going thru the motions is prescribed advice from my health professionals, and by all means I understand I can’t curl up into a ball and stay in bed all day (I’ve tried to before) However,  sometimes the motions just magnify how alone I truly feel. Talking and laughing or cracking jokes when my heart is really cracking on the inside.

What’s the trigger? Nothing is. Yet again… everything is. Everything seems to be bombarding me, highlighting my inadequacies. I feel like I’m falling to pieces…. but I keep telling myself to hold on for another day and then another day. Because, maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and I won’t feel so hopelessly alone.

-Steph