I was talking to my sister about my blog, and the question I posed was “to blog? Or not to blog?
I have been at this blog for nearly 5 years, highs and lows and in the middle – it has all been recorded.
I’ve felt less inclined to post … as you may have noticed. I’m not sure why exactly. I’ve always enjoyed the creative outlet that my blog provided. The insight I’d unveil as I created my posts.
Marriage and moving has been an incredible journey, I’ve learned so much that you’d think I’d be a bountiful fountain of content. Alas, I’m a dry well.
I feel guilt, is that reasonable? Guilt of not blogging ‘ it’s as though I’ve put so much effort into my blog, babied it nurtured it and now I’ve left it high and dry.
Aside from that blurb I do have some insight to share on this post it’s not completely a tangent on my lack of commitment to my blog.
I have gone camping with my husband twice this summer. Both times in beautiful locations. We packed our gear and one particular piece illuminated my mind… pun intended (just give me a moment). A flashlight. Perhaps a lantern is better suited for a title, but it’s still like a flashlight. (Now do you get the illumination pun)
Anyways. What are flashlights for? Simple question, with a simple answer – they allow us to see in the dark.
A flashlight we could dare say is like a tool, it helps us do something. It helps us see.
So what am I getting at? Let me tell you.
Have you ever been in pitch black darkness? To the point where you can’t even see your hands in front of you? As I was walking from the showers to our campsite one night it was just that, pitch black. I had my lantern, but this is where it gets good. My lantern was on, it was giving off light BUT depending on where I held it I could either see in front of me a few steps OR I could literally still see nothing at all in the darkness, it was just a light with no illumination of my next few steps.
So what does this mean to me. We can have the tools. We can have medication, therapists, supportive family and friends BUT if we do not use them properly it means nothing. We will be in darkness despite the light they offer. We can have the tools to a happy, healthy life but if we do not use them properly it’s as if they are not there at all.
This all came from a flashlight.
My life. Where I am in my life, the sense of peace I feel in my life, the sincere love and joy I feel in my life I know it’s because I used the flashlight that I asked for. I asked for the flashlight when I was in darkness, I didnt just expect it to appear. I asked for help, I accepted help and when given that light I adjusted it so I could see in front of me rather than nothing at all. I used the tool, I didn’t just hold it aimlessly.
What do you want? What do you want in life? What do you want to achieve despite your diagnosis?
Now, what are you willing to do for it? Are you willing to take medication routinely, struggle through finding the right medication when it seems as though they are all dumb with side affects. Are you willing to go to therapy for a short or long long long time. Are you willing to be open and honest with your therapist and make sure that you have a right fit with your therapist and don’t just settle. Are you willing to cut toxic people from your life, server toxic relationships? Are you willing to sleep a healthy amount of hours even if it means cutting fun nights short because you want to regulate your sleep hygiene. Are you willing to excercise your mind and body?
What are you willing to do? What effort are you willing to put in consistently to obtain a life of stability?
None of my stability happened overnight, read my blog – it’s been years! Years of grinding not giving up. Changing the batteries in my flashlight over and over and over again, why? Because I was in thr dark for years and I wanted to see in front of me, my future. I wanted my future illuminated and the only way it was going to happen was by using the tools given to me and to ask for more tools along the way.
To blog? Or not to blog?
I vote to blog, it just may not be every week. I don’t want guilt surrounding a hobby of mine. If I post a few weeks in a row great! But if I post once a month, so be it. I enjoy sharing my insights and I hope that they can touch at least one soul and give them some new perspective. This blog was about sharing my journey, walking my path to happily ever after. And I am still walking, this journey is not over its just in a different chapter.
I hope you have enjoyed my story thus far and continue with me as I march ahead.
Light your world up by properly holding that lantern. Use the tools that can help you see a bright and happy future.