Not So Simple

Last week I went to my oldest sister’s house. I had to go to get my dog, Nutmeg’s teeth cleaned and the place I take her is in the city my sister lives (about a 3.5 hr drive from where I live). I obviously could take her to a vet in my own town/city BUT it would cost me an arm and a leg. The clinic I take her to charges a fraction of the price. Ultimately it’s worth the drive and gives me an excuse to visit my sister and her family. 

It was a pretty good week. I never tire of sitting down with my oldest sister and getting her counsel. She is such an example to me – she’s honestly amazing.

Over the course of the week (and presently) I had a lot on my mind. And that means my brain refuses to shut off. Night after night I’d be up and then in the day I’d be exhausted and overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions. As much as I loved being with my sister and her family, I’m pretty sure I made for poor company. But they loved me anyway and I did my best to not let my mood ruin my time with them.

I could write countless blog posts on the thoughts that have plagued me over the course of this last week and weeks prior BUT  there is something in the back of my mind telling me to figuratively bite my tongue. Perhaps it’s too personal or perhaps if I write about it there is no going back, regardless to the outcome. My doubts, insecurities, and frustrations would be published and what if it all worked out… then I would have spoken ill for my audience to read and the reconciliation would be tainted.

There is a lot of emotion welling up inside of me. There is a part of me longing to write about it all because my brain is exploding and this blog is my outlet BUT for now I will refrain.

Perhaps I’ll find a constructive way to write about it without being so emotional. But alas I am an emotional person so the odds are not in my favor.

Sorry that it’s not an interesting blog post… but it’s enough to show I’m alive and illustrate the turmoil my mind is in. Something others have told me is so simple is crippling me. I’m sure if you have bipolar you can relate. 

Simple isn’t always simple. 

– Steph

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