Blessing or a Curse? Or Both?

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Let’s try to find the silverlining.

Although, I feel cursed at times because of the severe state of depression I routinely enter I also count myself blessed because of the immense amount of joy I feel in my life when I leave that depressive episode.

Without sadness we would never know happiness – that’s just how the cookie crumbles. And for many who are in the same boat as me, sadness can be all too consuming, lasting for weeks BUT the hope that inspires me to hold on is knowing that I’ll find my happiness again and when I do I know it will be glorious.

Happiness is a blessing – I dare say its a privledge; a result of hardwork and selfcare. When I was younger I took it for granted. I expected it without a second thought – it was mine for the taking. I’ve learned that this is not how life works. Happiness is a result of dedication and never giving up even when your hanging on by your fingernails. Happiness is a result of pushing past the ugly, pushing past the hurdles that mental health and life in general throws at us.

Happiness is a gift that I’ve learned to cherish because I never know how long I get to keep it once I’m reunited with it.
Each day counts. Even if they may seem far and few.

It is a curse and a blessing to feel so deeply. To feel so alive that you are walking on sunshine and adversely to feel like death has chained itself to you. I didn’t choose my lot in life but I do get to choose how I react to it (generally speaking) and even if I fail somedays this quote is a perfect illustration of the silverlining I look for… the blessing that only I get to experience with joy; the slice of heaven I get to experience that the average joe doesn’t even have the slightest inkling of. 

We may be different on an emotional level but that level allows us to tap into a greatness that exceeds the “norm”. So with that said – chin up and keep moving forward even if you have to drag your feet or crawl… keep moving forward.

– Steph

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