Broken Crayons

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I’ve felt broken. I’ve been broken and I’ve felt worthless because of it. This quote and illustration mean a lot to me, and I hope you’ll find some peace from them as well.

When I was at my worst I felt like I had no use or value to anyone or anything. I was nothing more than a burden. Happiness was beyond my grasp and everything I had envisioned achieving  was long gone. I was chaos. The girl I once was, with all of my dreams and aspirations had broken into pieces, losing all value or potential to be something beautiful…. or so I thought.

This mindset was/is lethal, and I will admit that I’ve fallen victim to it’s condemning thoughts on more than one occasion. I’m telling the truth when I say that my diagnosis has brought me exponential amounts of peace and joy. However, getting to that state has taken a lot of time and effort (and I still have setbacks)

I’d be a lying if I told you that hearing the words “You have Bipolar” didn’t sting; because it did. There was no warm smile and cozy hug for my diagnosis or any of the additional ones I recieved.  I initially felt like I had a big flashing sign over my head saying ” she has a mental illness” … all that came to mind was ill; as in I was sick, I wasn’t whole, I was less than, I was broken goods.

But I am here to tell you that I’m not less than and neither are you! We are more than!

I do exactly the same thing as anyone else who doesn’t have a “mental illness(s)” AND I do it while I have my own personal battle every single day. I succeed because I choose to succeed I chose to put in the extra hours for my appointments, meds, sleep, working out, school, relationships, reading… the list goes on. I choose to do this and I have a mental illness. I’m capable.

I felt broken, l’ve felt defective, but the beauty is that I’m neither. I’m strong, resilient and capable.

When you look at this quote remeber that whether you consider yourself whole, broken or even melted the thing that matters most is that you can still colour. You still can create a beautiful masterpiece with everything that you are. You are so much more than stigma or a label, even when your the culprit feeding yourself those lies.

Sometimes we need to take a step back to recognize how far we’ve come. Take a step back and admire how beautiful our masterpiece really is. Because it’s beautiful. It’s a one of a kind.

-Steph

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