Your Happiness. Your Center.

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I am a very passionate person. When I feel, I feel intensely whatever that particular feeling may be. It is to my greatest advantage and also my demise. My psychiatrist made the polite and funny comment that putting aside my bipolar I am very intense compared to most people. Another anology was that I’m like a Ferrari, I can go from 1 to 100… incredibly fast. So my psychologist and I have been customizing my “personal  handbook” so that I can navigate my speed better.(emphasis on I)

My mind is simple, yet it’s more complicated then you could ever imagine. When I approach a situation there is a straight forward solution in my mind, and therefore things should go a certain way. Simple right? No, it’s not. As much as I may see a simple route to obtain optimal results I am only in charge of myself. I can only act for myself and other people have their agency to act on their own. They bring in variables that I cannot control. This can be so frustrating! But it’s life. I can choose to accept it or let it dictate my happiness.

By all means, not knowing how everything will turn out brings excitement into our lives. Yet, it can also brings an unrealistic amount of anxiety. It brings a vulnerability that I detest. BUT I am working on accepting, because vulnerability means we are actually living.

Variables can never fully be accounted for. No matter how much you plan. No matter how straight forward the solution may seem to you. Things will go wrong or have hiccups. This leads me into the topic of what is your center?

Going back to the book I read “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. The author Stephen Covey, made a brilliant point about our center. Often we fluctuate when things don’t go our way, we react, we break down, we devalue ourselves, we are filled with sorrow, regret … and so forth. Often these emotions can be prevented or at least the severity of these emotions can be prevented. How? By having the proper center.

How often does our centers revolve around a relationship? We want to make the other person happy so that it makes us happy; they are our world. Or perhaps with our career; we are on top of the world and we are successful we receive promotions, acknowledgment and awards, or maybe we got laid off and now we feel like the biggest loser ever. Perhaps our family is our center, we don’t act without thinking about how our family may judge us, or we don’t try new things because it’s too far from our family. Or maybe it’s friends, we live to be with our friends to have happiness by association, acceptance.

Yes, all of these centers have their notable appeal BUT they are all flawed. They are flawed because they are not grounded they can fluctuate and change. People come, people go, people die, and circumstances are never set in stone. Therefore those centers always cause a discourse within ourselves. The change and dependence causes an uproar of emotion good or bad. We lower our value or we question our capabilities.

So what should we have as our core center? What should we revolve around? Principles. Principles and Values. Honesty, integrity, hard work, empathy, love, kindness and so forth. Principles never change. They are steadfast and are exactly what we need to brace ourselves for the unknowing circumstances of life.

When we react based on emotions that revolve around people, it can be catastrophic BUT if we react to situations based on the values we have a chance to breathe and acknowledge that even though the situation whether it’s a pass or fail we still have value.

I fell victim last week on basing my happiness around the acceptance of a certain individual. I really wanted him to like and accept me, and my happiness was swept away by this outcome. And honestly I haven’t so unhappy with so much anxiety in a long time over another human. The confidence I have about myself and what I offer seemed to be annulled AND for what??! So that another person could dictate my value! I don’t think so! I have value that’s immeasurable, and so do you. And no single human or group of people have the right OR should be given the power (by you) to determine your worth.

I’ve been going over my core. The principles it has and I’ve been feeling more at peace. If this particular individual doesn’t want to be apart of my life, so be it. At least I can tell myself I was true to myself and therefore it’s for the best.

Don’t let your emotions consume you. Do a self check and remind yourself of the principles you are centered on AND don’t allow yourself to be blown all over the place by an thing or anyone. Live fully, love fully BUT recognize that by doing so we step into the unknown BUT we have our moral compass that will never abandon us when we need a change of direction.

– Steph

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