When it comes to getting rid of a bad habit or even a crummy ex *cough cough* which is basically the same thing. I have a few words of advice that stem from personal reading, talking with one of my super heros a.k.a my doctor AND from direct experience.
Firstly, replace the bad with something new! If you are going to cut something from your life you are inevitably going to create a space, a void, a black hole! Do you catch my drift? You will need a positive replacement in order to sustain long term results. Something that will help you be a better version of you. I’ve turned to reading books, hitting the gym, cross stitching (you read that right! It’s a skill under development)
If you choose to drop a habit a positive replacement is a must. It allows you to focus your energy elsewhere, and acts as a positive reinforcement for the new direction of your life.
Secondly, self talk. Postitive self talk. How we talk to ourselves is critical to how we see ourselves. If you always talk down to yourself, telling yourself you’re going to fail… you will. If you break yourself down before you even give yourself a chance to try… you will in fact fail. AND then you’ll talk yourself down even more for failing like you said you would. Don’t do that! Positive affirmations, Progress Not Perfection.
Which leads me to number 3. Be realistic. When I ended it with my ex, I gave my self an unrealistic timeline of 2 weeks. 2 weeks and I would be over a 2 year relationship… that stemmed back to us being in each others lives since gr 8. Unrealistic much??! And when I failed I was so angry at myself. I was weak, I was pathetic, he wasn’t worth anymore of my tears…. blah blah blah. BUT the flaw to my plan and train of thought was that I forgot I’m human. We are all human so lets be realistic. My reality was not 2 weeks to be over him… heck I’m in the months zone and I’m just getting “over him”. My reality was “don’t go back to him!”And I got that right this time. Why?? Because I began to let myself hurt, cry, be angry, confused and I let myself miss him without condeming and repremanding myself. GIVE yourself realistic goals; when you make a significant change allow yourself to mourn or think of what you let go BUT remind yourself that your letting it go for a reason AND that there is so much more good life ahead of you.
Lastly… give yourself a pat on the back. Acknowledge and give yourself credit for deciding to make a change in your life. Recognizing is one step, taking action is the next. So your on the right track.
We’ll get there – progress not perfection.