There have been so many times in my life where I allowed my happiness to be consumed with my situation BECAUSE my situation was less than ideal. Rather than focusing on what was in my control, I focused on what was out of my control. Rather than looking at everything I had, I looked at all I was without (mentally, physically). I played victim and let my surroundings dictate my happiness rather than claiming my life for my own. BUT once I did claim it and took control of my life, that’s when things changed. That’s when I started dealing with my problems rather than letting them have their way with me. (I’m not perfect at it but I’m getting better at it)
We are stronger than we think, life is to be enjoyed not simply endured. Yes! There may be times when we hold onto life with just our finger tips; but the fact is we are still holding on (give yourself some credit) – we know life is worth fighting for and living. I’ve made so much progress with finding happiness this past year with the help and support of myself, loved ones and doctors. Happiness is a journey it is not a destination; remember that just because we are not always happy it does not mean we have a bad life. I have my weeks where I struggle to remind myself of why I love life BUT I am getting better at recognizing my reminders, I don’t always have a “reason” for my depression. But I have a reason to hold on till the sun comes out again. And that’s the kicker, don’t forget it.
A SIDE NOTE: I did not choose to be bipolar, people do not choose to suffer from depression. I know what its like to wake up numb for no reason and to cry out because your entire being; your soul hurts beyond comprehension. I don’t always get to “choose” to be happy; to wake up with the luxury of picking how I feel BUT I do get to choose how I hold on — I get to choose to go through the storm in order to find another sunny day. My choice of happiness involves me claiming my life as Stephanie’s, not having my diagnosis claim my life.