Guilty as charged!
I have definitely built nice tall, thick walls with barb wire at the top and a moat surrounding them filled with boiling lava.
My family’ has called me out on my walls. My doctors have called me out on my walls. I’VE even called me out on my walls.
People, my self included do not need walls; we need boundaries! (Which is what I’m working on establishing diligently)
Boundaries have been a hot topic between my therapist and I. (Like I mentioned I’ve had my fair share of walls)
Boundaries are slightly different than walls. However, they both have the same goal. To keep the hurt out.
Walls hurt us more than they help us, boundaries on the other hand when done correctly protect us AND allow us to grow into our best version of self.
Walls backfire for the sole reason that as much as they keep people out they keep your feelings locked in. They harvest a distrust of the people in your life AND they belittle your ability to trust yourself.
Respect yourself enough to build boundaries. Allow yourself to permit and validate your feelings. Don’t keep them locked up burning you on the inside. Find a healthy way to express yourself; stand your ground. Make it clear to the people in your life what you will AND will not tolerate. AND if they don’t respect that; don’t surround yourself with them.
Boundaries, are permeable. You can move people closer to you or keep them farther away at bay. You have your guard up with a gate THAT you only have the key to open. People can look at you and they will know what you are about BUT they may not be permitted to be within your closest boundary unless you allow them.
Feelings are not a weakness, they are our biggest strength, if we can recognize how to listen and address them. (Something I’m learning)
Don’t miss out on a potential friendship or relationship because you won’t let anyone in AND you won’t let yourself out – out of fear.
We all have so much to offer. Take baby steps, because they are steps non the less. Ask yourself what you want, it’s not selfish it’s self care and love. And we all deserve that.